Category Archives: Self-esteem

Hey, don’t say that!

Do you ever think about the way you talk to yourself?

One of the most interesting things about human beings is our self-talk, our own voice inside our head that’s always talking to us. I think that some people turn to meditation for the sole purpose of learning how to get some peace and quiet and turn that voice off!

But your little voice that’s always talking to you inside your head has a lot to tell you. Sometimes your little voice sounds a warning like, “check the stove” – so, you turn back to check the stove to find the burner left on simmer – grateful to the little voice. Sometimes on the other hand, you have a little argument with that little voice because you want to go back for seconds at dinner but you know that you’ve had enough. In these instances you usually just shut your little voice up and get a second plate because who wants to be told what to do?! Especially by that little voice!

But the little voice inside your head, and my little voice inside my head, has a lot to tell us about how self-critical we are; how kind you are to yourself, and ultimately whether or not you love yourself with all your faults and all your finest qualities! What does your little voice say to you when you look in the mirror, or when you make a small mistake like spill coffee all over your new jacket?

Think for a moment about the way you talk to other people. Usually, we are very tactful or even politely insincere with people, especially if we don’t know them well. Many of us have learned that it’s rude and unkind to hurt peoples’ feelings; if you can’t say something nice to someone, then don’t say anything at all. We all know the bluntness of children who say whatever they want having not yet learned to be polite and often leaving their parent’s quite embarrassed because they’ve just said to a stranger, “you are bald!” Ouch! Some of us have learned to be boldly honest with people, who may or may not take offence to our honesty; if you’re like this you probably believe that honesty is the best policy and you’re not too concerned if the receiver can’t take it!

There is certainly a lot to be said for learning to be tactful with others. Communication is key and if you want to easily make and keep friends and acquaintances it’s best to remember the motto, “it’s easier to attract bees with honey than with vinegar.” In every culture, there are things that you just “don’t say” to other people; but do you have a “don’t say that” rule for talking to yourself?

“How could I be so stupid!??! I’m such an idiot!”

“I’m old, so I can’t…”

“I know that I will never…” Or, “I know that I can never…”

“I am clumsy.” Or, “I am accident-prone.”

“I am unlucky. If something bad can happen, it will happen to me.”

“I am ugly.”

Sound familiar? Are these, or words like these, some of the things your little voice inside your head says to you?

If so, I am sure that you can think of a lot of other examples of things you’ve heard from that little voice inside your head; things that weren’t and aren’t nice. But do you realize that these are things that YOU tell yourself, or as I like to say, “lies I tell myself about me.”

You’ve probably heard the saying, “you are your own worse critic.” It’s not easy for most people to be objective about themselves. No matter what we are judging about ourselves, we are usually quite hard on ourselves or extremely critical. Part of creating a wealthy life is recognizing your own self-talk as talk that either builds you up or puts you down.

If you often scold yourself for being forgetful or clumsy, if you often criticize yourself about the way you look or the way you dress, or your age, or your education, or the type of work you do, or the way you work, it’s important to recognize that these self-critical habits are not in harmony with wealthy living.

Wealthy living is all encompassing and even if you are financially successful, you will find your inner self filled with disharmony if you have a low opinion of your self-worth and if you always engage in negative self-talk and putting yourself down. Always keep in mind that wealthy thoughts include praise for yourself and for others, so be as kind to yourself as you are to others and expand your feelings of inner peacefulness and wealth.